Jayescottearly's Blog

Thinking.

jayescottearly — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 01:47:26 +0000

As the first half of my life draws its way to near completion I begin a process of thoughts that periodically glimpse over what has been so far; accomplishments, developed opinions, constructed morals, convictions, mistakes, challenges, family, the future, what could have been, friends, options, meaning, unremarkable moments of displeasure, falsehoods, obstacles, gratitude, ideals, past lovers…the moment.

Hey.

jayescottearly — Sun, 11 Oct 2009 07:33:13 +0000

There’s no place more home then another.

I remember.

jayescottearly — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 04:08:52 +0000

The biggest shopping mall in Denmark, the biggest in Scandinavia in fact. I rode a bike there in the snow. It was unremarkable. Waiting to board a flight in Copenhagen with a huge pain in my chest, convinced that I was going to have a heart attack in the air and die before I made it back to Sydney. Floating over London in a 747 thinking I was dreaming. Starting a conversation with a crying girl at Hethrow airport. She was feeling “horribly alone”, I put my hand on her shoulder, smiled, and reminded her that she wasn’t alone. Sparking up a cigarette when I saw Times Square for the second time. Feeling more alone and electric than ever before while walking back to my hotel in NYC at 4.30 in the morning- I wanted that feeling to last forever. Waking up in my hotel room in NYC and having no memory of how I got home or even the night before. Feeling inapproriately horny in front of the Western Wall as young orthodox Jewish men pushed by me. Sitting in the back seat of a car driving away from Jerusalem, looking out of the rear window and reminding myself that I could be a writer. The boat ride out to the Statue of Liberty. Some guy making a sculpture out of rocks at a beach north of Vancouver. Going to bed each night when I was camping in the woods in Canada, thinking that an angry (and hungry) female brown bear was going to kill me during my sleep. How otherworldly the mountains surrounding the Vancouver city are. Enjoying an open prawn sandwhich at a cafe in Sweden before taking a ferry back to Denmark. Going to a free Dental service in Copenhagen, and being amazed at how friendly the Dentist was to me.

He.

jayescottearly — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 08:22:57 +0000

He needs all the world to confirm that he aren’t lonely.

yeah…

jayescottearly — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 04:11:01 +0000

I’m sure you have some cosmic rationale.

I am pretty (not very) sure.

jayescottearly — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 06:05:19 +0000

…That this will pass. That I will die, but not before I pretend to glide over the surface of a shimmering calm ocean of water, glistening water too tender to believe, and way too tender to drink. That all regrets will fester, boil and explode before they dissolve. That each day I cry a little less? That I’m not meant to be here. That I am more than what I present myself to be. That the moon is really the sun, and the sun just a ball of snow.That one day, you’ll forget me. That there’s not a great deal more than meets the eye. That the only thing you have is the moment that just passed you by. That love really is for the lucky. That one day (or night) I shall know what it means and feels to be accomplished. That I’m already free. That my legs aren’t too skinny. That he wouldn’t understand if I just told him the whole truth. That being safe is an illusion of the biggest kind. That hope facilitates continued suffering. That maybe I’ve thought that I’ve done this all before.

this and those moments now and past

jayescottearly — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 15:12:02 +0000

some random guy, probably a lonely one, jerks off onto his smooth bumpy chest for the world to see. against my instincts i do the same: parts of it felt warm. parts of it felt like a steady rush of liberated electricity gorging into my groin, making my knees buckle , and for some reason i had a need to listen to that French song from the pillow book and spark up a cigarette, but i don’t. I just go to sleep and think about how i can better use this moment to free my…

Here. Now.

jayescottearly — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 01:45:31 +0000

When the Buddha was asked to sum up his/her teaching in a single word, s/he said, ” awareness.” Not awareness of something in particular, but awareness itself-being awake, alert, in touch with what is actually happening. It’s about examining and exploring the most basic questions ( or subjective situations) of life. It’s about relying on the immediate experience of the this present moment. It’s not about belief, doctrine, formula, or tradition. It is about freedom of mind.

Monday night, August 10, around 7pm.

jayescottearly — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 09:32:04 +0000

Your sorrow is your joy unmarsked. And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears. And how else can it be? The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain. When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy. When you are sorrowful, look again into your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.

Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing. And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb. And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance.

In the inmortal words of…

jayescottearly — Fri, 07 Aug 2009 02:10:40 +0000

‘ Of course it’s not okay. I wouldn’t eat this fucking flea-shit if some cunt paid me to.’